NEWSFLASHES!!!! | LINKS | RAW THOUGHTS - June 3, 2002 | KING OF THE RING Thoughts.......... | Show Me The Meaning of Being Lonely | Joint Custody | PHOTOS..... | Photos - Pg 2 | Fool's Gold (Parts 1 & 2) | Fool's Gold (parts 3&4) | Fool's Gold (parts 5 & 6) | Fool's Gold (Parts 7 & 8) | Fool's Gold (Parts 9 - 11) | A Lesson in Human Relations | Have You Ever Needed Someone So Bad | Snowed In : The Hunter Christmas Eve Session | In Memoriam | Daily Log Page for 3/22/02 | Disenchanted (part 1) | Disenchanted (part 2-3) | Disenchanted - parts 4 - 5 | Postings List | Goodbyes and Other Unfinished Business - Chapter 1 | Guest Book | Contact Me | Daily Log Page for 4/3/02
Weblog (Online Diary)
Fool's Gold (Parts 1 & 2)

This story deals with some heavy themes, such as domestic abuse and character suicide. Just consider yourself warned before you read any further.

  I guess I should introduce myself to you. I'm Kari Ann Levesque. Things for me are pretty good now - I wasn't always so fortunate. Right now I live in an impossibly large house in rural New Hampshire with my husband of three months (and long-time love - I'll explain later) and my two obstinate, but precious bulldogs. I am also adjusting to having my figure rapidly disappearing due to the baby that's growing inside of me. But as I sit on the back deck watching the dogs splash in the swimming pool, I can't think of a single complaint. Hell, I'm even ecstatic to be suffering through morning sickness. I thank God for this chance at a real life and family every time I throw up. I know what you're thinking - how on earth can anyone enjoy heaving their guts out? Well, since you asked...
 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
February 22, 2002
Providence, Rhode Island
Site of RAW IS WAR

      I am always amazed at the size of arenas that professional wrestlers perform in night after night. My husband, Scott, says that they deserve it because of how long each of them spent wrestling in high school gyms for $10
a night and multi-million dollar contracts countersigned by Ted Turner, or, if you're really lucky, Vince McMahon is like the Holy Grail. Whatever, I'm a makeup artist by trade and so I guess I'm not limited to where I work by just two opportunities. Okay, well it's one real opportunity now that WCW went out of business.  
      Anyways, we're in this unbelievably cold city for the event tonight. Scott's finally going back to work. I guess I should say we are going back to work. Mr. McMahon has offered me a choice of being an additional makeup artist for his staff or being Scott's valet. Scott tells us that I'm going to be his valet. I just nod my head. There's no use to argue with him - it is always in my best interest to agree with him.
      After I sign my paperwork, Scott tells me to go out in the hall while he and Mr. McMahon discuss figures on his contract. As usual, he believes he's worth more than someone is offering. I grab my purse and coat and start walking around looking for a Coke machine. That's when I saw him - looking like a golden god (well, maybe not quite, but follow me for a second.) He was leaning against the beige cinderblock wall reading over some papers in his hand. Okay, so I'm a married woman - doesn't mean I'm blind or dead, does it? I guess he heard the heels of my shoes clicking on the concrete floor, because he looks up and then smiles at me. We get within ten feet of each other and realize we know each other. I look up and all that goes through my mind is his name - Paul. 
      I don't even think to protest as he sweeps me up into his arms and kisses me - hard and breathlessly. Damn, I'd almost forgotten how good he smelled. The combination of Drakkar, Paul Mitchell Awapuhi shampoo and his unmistakable maleness is so outrageously intoxicating. He puts me down carefully and then looks me up and down. Okay, it's been almost eight years since we've seen each other and while I don't look a whole lot different than I used to, I definitely dress better than I did then. Gone are my old, faded Levis and sweatshirts. They have since been replaced - at least on this day - with a Channel pantsuit and heels. I also have a diamond on my left hand big enough to choke a Clydesdale. He smiles - his face is still so warm and inviting when he smiles. I just love it.

      "Kari Ann Mitchell, how long has it been?" He asked, still staring at me.

      "Almost eight years, Paul." I reply. "I guess I owe you an apology since the WWF run WCW out of business."

      "Don't worry about it." He said, grinning. "So, what are you doing here?"

      "Just signing contracts." I answer. "Scott's still haggling over his money. I'm making over three times what I did when WCW folded, so I'm happy."

      "Scott," He puzzles. "Scott, who?"

      "Scott Steiner, my husband." I reply.

I wish could take them back as soon as the last two words pass through my lips, I take a small step backwards. The look on his face changes from happiness, to understanding to hurt - all in about 15 seconds. Paul and I stand there in silence for a few moments. I hear a door open down the hall and Scott hollers at me. I offer Paul a nervous smile and then hastily run toward Scott.
Scott grabs my upper arm roughly and starts dragging me toward one of the unoccupied rooms. Inside there is a couch and a few other standard set furnishing items. Scott points at the couch and expects me to sit. I'm not going to argue. Hell, even with the heels I've got on, the top of my head doesn't even reach Scott's shoulder.

"So, Kari, do you have any idea how lucky we are to have new jobs here?" He
asked, his back to me.

"We're very lucky, Scotty." I whisper. "I definitely appreciate Mr. McMahon's generosity with my contract."

"Good, I think it was more than fair." Scott said. "Mine's livable."

"Uh-huh." I nod. "So, where are we going to fit into the shows?"

"NWO." He replied. "You're going to be the valet for the entire group. Hogan, Hall, Nash and me."

"Oh, okay." I answer. "So, I just get to look pretty and walk with all of you to ringside?"

"Yeah, kinda like Elizabeth was for a while." He answered as he turned around. "But that means I don't want to see you talking to anyone that you don't have to."

"Okay." I reply.

"That means I never want to see you around Paul Levesque again." Scott orders.

His words were as stinging as any slap he'd landed across my face. I nod my
head silently. He turns and walks out of the room after saying he's going to look for Hall and Nash. I sit in solitude for a few minutes before venturing out to try to meet some of the people I'm going to be working with. I open the door to the room and I was almost run over by a much taller brunette. I catch a good look at her as she looks over her shoulder to apologize - she looked an awful lot like Mr. McMahon. I just shrugged and again went on a search for a Coke machine.  I found what I was looking for and then made it back to the room that Scott had left me in just before he got back. He looked at me and then the red and white can in my hand and shook his head. Okay, so he keeps telling me that the stuff will kill me - and every time he hits me, or does worse, I wonder if I could get lucky enough to be killed by a can of soda. I guess the fact that we'll be around a lot of people for a while will get me a reprieve from
the bruises that I have to work so hard to cover. We settle in to watch the show on the monitor. Scott told me that he and I would be added to the group officially on the last Raw before WrestleMania. Whatever. He leans his head on my shoulder and breaths deeply. I fix my eyes on the monitor. Paul is on the screen - he's in the ring cutting a promo with Chris Jericho and the brunette that I saw earlier is yelling at him.  Damn, could her voice possibly grate on my nerves anymore? Scott starts unbuttoning my blouse, and slips his hand inside to find the clasp on the front of my bra.  He grabs me and turns me so that I am facing him. He reaches down and unfastens my pants and starts to push them off of me. I'm not in the mood to have sex with my husband - but I let him have his fun. As he lifts my hips enough to get inside of me, I close my eyes and my mind is immediately filled with an image of Paul. I do enough to make Scott happy and go clean up for us to go to the hotel. As we walk out to the car, I see another one of my old friends. Debra, let's see it's now Williams (while everyone addresses her as Austin) but formerly McMichaels, is a few feet ahead of us walking with her new Steve. She turns around and runs over to me. She almost knocks me down with the force of her hug. We tell a few other people goodnight and then head toward the hotel.  Scott walks me up to our room and tells me that he's going down to the hotel bar.

     I guess you can figure out that Ive been around this business for quite a while. Eight years as a makeup artist gives you a unique perspective on it. The wrestling industry has been both good and bad to me. Ive had good jobs and made friends and thats how I met both of my husbands. However, if I could go back and re-do parts of my life, I hope I never wouldve lost those years that I spent without Paul. But, God has a funny way of making things work out sometimes and I guess I wouldnt appreciate my relationship with Paul as much as I do now if we hadnt spent that time apart. What can I say, we were both much younger then and time seemed to be all that we had.

 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

December 1994


I still remember how things happened after Starrcade 1994. It was Pauls last hurrah, so to speak, with WCW before his contract expired and he joined the WWF. I had been working there for a few months. We enjoyed each others company and he always made sure I felt welcome to tag along on any adventures that he and some of the other guys planned.

This particular December night will always stick out in my memories because it was the night we moved from being just friends. Ill get to that in a minute. The show was finished and I was packing up to go. Paul stopped by the makeup area to ask me if I wanted to grab a bite before we turned in for the night - his treat. I said sure. At the time I barely was making it from paycheck to paycheck, and for some reason a free meal just seemed to taste that much better.

Well, while we were all inside the arena, it had begun raining and freezing. Being from Mobile, Alabama, I had limited experience with snow and ice and had never drove in it before. I also have inherited a healthy measure of my mothers inability to stay on her own two feet, so about halfway down the ramp, I found a patch of ice and fell. Paul was putting his stuff in his car and saw me. Immediately, he came to help.

After we got my stuff in my car, Paul took me back inside to get my bottom lip stitched up by one of the trainers. I bit down on it when I fell and my tooth cut clean through. Three stitches and about half an hour went by before we walked back out to find the rain had turned to thick wet snow. We got to the cars and Paul asked if Id rather just go to the hotel and then order a pizza from one of our rooms. I looked down at the pavement. I wasnt staying at the Holiday Inn with everyone else - I had a much cheaper room at a hole in the wall a couple miles from there. Nervously, I admitted that to him. He smiled and told me that hed been there before - back when he was working the Indy circuit in matches that Killer Kowalski had booked him in. The snow was getting heavier as we stood there so he suggested that since the Holiday Inn was closer - and he didnt bite - that I share his room for the night. With massive butterflies in my stomach, I agreed.

The drive to the hotel was painfully slow. I followed him so that I could have some way of knowing that Id get there in one piece. Once we made it to the room, he told me to order the pizza and put it on his credit card while he took a hot shower and got ready for bed. I did that and then got out my own things for a shower. I blushed from the roots of my hair to my toes when he came out of the bathroom and picked up the lacy ice blue panties that were lying on top of my nightshirt. My ears still echoed with the sounds of his laughter when I stepped into the shower. The pizza had just gotten there when I stepped out of the bathroom. Paul signed the slip and brought it in. We sat on his bed with the pizza between us watching some absolutely awful movie that was showing.

Once he was finished eating, Paul walked over to the window and watched the snow as it continued to fall outside. I cleaned up the pizza box and the walked over to stand beside him. I put my hand on his back and nervously asked him a question.

"Paul, do you mind if I ask you something?" I asked softly.

"Nah, Im pretty much an open book." He replied, still looking out the window.

"Are you really going to the WWF?" I continued.

"Yeah, Kari, I am." He said as he turned to look at me. "I got to. Im not going anywhere here and Mr. McMahon has promised me a good opportunity. Not necessarily fame and fortune beyond my wildest dreams, but he guarantees me that Ill work every night and if I can improve my skill on top of my talent, I can be a main event star there in a year or so."

"Oh, I see." I whisper, disheartened.

"So, my turn to ask the questions." He said with a grin. "Has anyone ever told you that youre absolutely precious when you are lost in thought?"

"Precious, huh." I say with a laugh. "Well, at least you didnt accuse me of being cute."

"Oh, I just didnt get there yet." He said.

"You want cute, Ill give you cute." I say as I hit him in the head with a pillow.

"Oh, you wanna fight." He laughs. "Alright, its on now."

Before long we were rolling around on his bed laughing as we wrestled and tickled each other. I was almost certain that wed be getting complaints for the noise if we didnt calm down. Then, we both got silent. He was sitting straddle of my hips with his hands on either side of my head. My hands were resting at the waistband of his loose sweatpants. Nervously, I looked at him and then looked away. He exhaled deeply and then pushed up and off of me. He sunk down heavily on the end of the bed to give me a chance to get off of his bed.

"Im sorry, Kari." He whispered. "I guess I got carried away."

"Its no big thing." I say as I sit down on the bed beside him.

"It couldve been if we hadnt stopped." He replied with his head resting in the palms of his hands. "I mean I dont want to leave here with you hating me."

"Paul, last I checked you were not the only one rolling around on the bed." I answer. "Besides, we are both adults. If something happens it just happens."

He turned his head to face me and we sat there for a while just looking at each other. Then he took my face in his hands and started trailing his thumb across my lips. Every nerve in my body was screaming for his touch and when he pressed his lips to mine, I pressed back.

Within minutes we were laying on the bed again - each working the others clothing off. Soon hes lying beside me trailing nervous fingertips down the front of my body down to my underwear. Gently, he slides his hand inside them and I feel a bolt of lightening go through me as he uses a couple of fingers to feel around. He looks at me and I nod my head. I barely have time to register whats going on before I feel him moving to get inside of me. The pain is exquisite as he thrusts into me. We go until we cannot go anymore - collapsing and falling asleep in each others arms.

Damn wake up call. Its only 7:30 and the phone is ringing off the wall. I grab it and then try to roll out from under Paul to go get a shower taken. He rolls over onto his side of the bed and lets me up. As I stand under the hot spray, it immediately dawns on me that everyone at work will know what happened between us the night before. Even if they hadnt heard us last night, they will know by the time they see us this morning. God, Im so sore. If there is ever a next time for us, I will not let him fall asleep on top of me or without pulling out first. I walk out of the bathroom - he tries to kiss me on his way in to take his shower. I move so that his lips graze my cheek. I dont regret what we did - Im just going to be the one stuck with the reputation for it once he leaves.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Vince asked me if Id be interested in writing a book about everything thats gone on in my life in wrestling because he believes I have a unique perspective. Paul kids me about it - I told him that its therapeutic to get everything down on paper - especially since I can reflect on it all now without regret and few tears. Unfortunately, there used to be a time that this stuff wasnt so easy to talk about, much less survive. It was more like I just simply existed from day to day.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

March 11, 2002

Detroit, Michigan

Site of RAW IS WAR

So weve been living this vagabond life for two weeks now - Scotts wrestled a few dark matches and seems to be happy with work again. Im starting to make new friends and get reacquainted with some old ones. Stephanie McMahon is rapidly becoming one of my close friends - dont ask me how or why cause Id walk across fire to get her boyfriend back in my life. Thats right, shes dating Paul. Every time I see them together I feel as if a load of bricks has just been dropped upon my chest. She tells me Im lucky to be married to Scott because Pauls afraid to make a commitment. If she only knew

Tonight is our official debut as the newest members of the New World Order. As long as all I have to do is strut around and look pretty for the camera, I dont care too much of who Im walking out there with. The writers decided that after throwing the surprise reformation of D-Generation X into the mix at Smack Down last week, they had to strengthen the NWO going into the pay-per-view this weekend.

We are sitting through another long creative meeting. Im looking over the script that we have for the show - trying to find out when we will be on camera. Stephanie is sitting at the front of the room with the rest of the writing team and Paul slumps down in a chair behind me. I didnt look to see him there - I just knew he was there. Remember, I already told you that his scent is unmistakable. We are released from this meeting after about an hour to go get some of the pre-show segments taped to be edited in later.

I walk over to the makeup area to start to get ready. Scotts pretty much decided that while we are at work I dont need constant supervision - especially after he found out that Paul is involved with the boss daughter. I put my hair up in hot rollers and start getting ready to put my makeup on when Paul walks in. He was going to have Jan trim his hair and beard for him. She told him he was busy and he says he can wait.

"I can do it for you if you want." I tell him.

"Wow, its been ages since you cut my hair." He says, that smile that drives me wild lighting up his face.

"Yeah, and you didnt used to have this beard either." I giggle as I spread a cape over him.

The whole thing takes about fifteen minutes, but to me it means tremendously more. I know that I still love him and I regret something that I did back then. He gets out of the chair and heads off. I went back over to the mirror that I had been using to get my hair and face done and take the rollers out. I finish my hair off with a rhinestone clip and then do my face. I walk around to the ladies locker room to get dressed.

I walked past a partially open door and hear heavy breathing coming from the room. I start to giggle and walk away, but my damn curiosity got the best of me. I peeked in the slightly open door and couldnt believe my eyes. Stephanie was bent over the back of the couch in the room - the expression on her face made it obvious that she was having sex with someone. I couldnt see who it was but I then heard his voice - the tramp was fucking my own husband. I willed myself not to cry as I ran off toward the locker room.

I wasnt looking and ran right into Kevin Nash. Kevin has been a friend of mine ever since he joined WCW and he can read me pretty well. He took one look at me and knew what I was running from.

"Damn, girl, you know you deserve better than that." Kev says as he walks me over to a table in the catering area. "Scott is such an asshole."

"Whats going on?" Scott Hall asks as he walks over to the table. "Damn, Kari, what happened?"

I open my mouth and nothing comes out. Im shaking from head to toe in a combination of shock and anger. No, Im not angry because Im being cheated on. Im angry because Stephanie has treated me as if she was my friend, but more so because she has a man Id just about kill to have back and shes cheating on him. Paul walks over to the table and sits down by Scott. He looks at me and I keep trying to tell them what I saw, but the words wont come out.

"She just caught Scott cheating on her in one of the rooms." Kevin said sadly. "I just want to know who."

"Stephanie." I whisper so softly that they had to virtually read it off my lips.

Paul immediately looks like someone just punched him in the gut. He takes off from the table in search of them. I dont know if he was hurting for himself or for me. It kind of scares me to think that hed go looking for them. Kevin and Scott get me calmed down and they walk me over to the locker room. Debra and Sharmell are standing there talking. Kevin tells Deb to look after me for a while and then whispers to her what the problem is.

I sit down in front of my locker and take out my outfit for the evening - a short black leather skirt and a sequined NWO t-shirt. I lay the clothes out on the bench beside me and start to take my clothes off to get ready for the segments we are going to be taping soon. I lift my shirt off over my head and I hear Sharmell gasp at the sight of the bruises on my back. Unfortunately, they didnt surprise Debra. Sharmell excuses herself and Debra walks over to talk to me.

"So, kiddo, when are you going to get rid of him?" She says as she sits down.

"I dont know if I can." I whisper.

"Who was it this time?" She asked quietly.

"Stephanie McMahon." I answer as I take my sweatpants off. "I feel sorry for Paul. I mean I shouldnt have told him."

"Dont worry about him, Kari." Deb said. "Hell get through this okay. Besides, I really think you need to worry about yourself."

"But, Deb, Pauls my friend and I care about him." I whisper. "I dont want him hurt. I sure as hell dont want him drug through the mess of a marriage that Scott and I have."

"Well, I dont think its entirely up to you anymore." Deb says as she looks up to see who opened the door. "Do you want to talk to him?"

"Hey, Kari." Paul says as he slips into the room. "How are you holding up?"

"Not too bad, considering." I lie. "How are you?"

"Ill be okay, you know." He replies. "At least Im only married to the bitch on the show. You have to go home with yours."

"Yeah." I whisper, suddenly aware of how close to naked I am as I sit here beside him.

He gasped about as much as Sharmell did when I turn to pick up my shirt from the bench. He stops me as I start to raise it over my head to put it on. The feeling of his fingers upon my spine is electric and almost scary. I look at him and then pull my shirt on. I stand up - facing him (the front of my panties cover much more than the back) and slip my skirt on.

"So, he did that to you, huh?" Paul asks as he gets up to go. "When youre ready to get out or at least admit that you still have feelings for me, Ill be around."

I nod my head as he gets up to walk out. I want to call out to him, but Ive always prided myself on not looking desperate. The door closes behind him and it takes all the strength I have not to break down in tears. I finished getting ready for the show in solitude. When I walk out to go film part of the scenes were going to tape for the show, I see Kevin yelling at Scott. I hear Scott tell Kevin to "fuck off" and then he brushes past me on his way out of the room.

"Kari, come here." He orders.

I walk over to him and he pins me against the wall. He grinds his hips against mine as he graphically describes what he and Stephanie were doing and how much better she is in bed than I am. He punched me hard in the stomach and let me drop to the floor. It turns out that Vince told him that he wasnt going to be on the show until we taped for Thursday.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

To be continued....