This is 100% pure fiction....none of its true...and I don't own any of the characters.
CHARACTERS: Mike Modano, Billy Guerin, Brett Hull, Brenden Morrow, Derian Hatcher, Darryl Sydor (and other Stars/Red Wings/NHL players as needed)
DISCLAIMER: I don't own them...don't want to see them hurt...don't own the song that inspired the fic or anything of that nature...if ya really wanna sue, you ain't gonna get much!!!
Mike with his killer grin
Bring Me To Life
How can you see into my eyes like open doorsleading you down to my corewhere I've become so numb? Without a soul; my spirits sleeping somewhere cold, until you find it there and lead it back homewake me up insidewake me up insidecall my name and save me from the darkbid my blood to runbefore I come undonesave me from the nothing I've become
Now that I know what I'm without you can't just leave me. Breathe into me and make me real. Bring me to life. Bring me to life. I've been living a lie there's nothing inside bring me to life.
Frozen inside without your touch, without your love, darling only you are the life among the dead
All of this sight I can't believe I couldn't see Kept in the dark but you were there in front of me I've been sleeping a 1000 years it seems. I've got to open my eyes to everything. Without a thought without a voice without a soul don't let me die here there must be something more bring me to life bring me to life I've been living a lie there's nothing inside bring me to life
above lyrics are only borrowed - I'm not making a dime off of this site
BRING ME TO LIFE
He'd heard all the stories about the man that had completely captured his attention, but Billy wasn't listening. He'd heard that Mike was too high maintenance - too demanding - too perfect. But it didn't matter much when his eyes would lock with Mike's. Time seemed to stop - and the rest of the world didn't seem to exist. Maybe it didn't - maybe the world was only the two of them.
"I wouldn't waste my time - he won't open up to anyone after what Brett put him through." Brenden advised his fellow winger. "Most of the time, unless he has to be out for something like a game or practice he keeps himself locked inside that castle he's got."
"Thanks for the advice, Bren, but I've got to see if he'll let me inside." Billy admitted quietly. "He might lock me out, but I owe it to my own heart to try to get inside his."
Bill leaned back against the wall he was sitting in front of and watched as Mike changed out of his street clothes and into his practice gear. He closed his eyes and allowed himself a quiet little daydream. In it he could see himself waking up next to Mike - holding him close - loving him.
"Hey, are you gonna join us for practice?" Mike asked as he extended his hand to help Bill up from his seat on the floor. "I know I'd rather still be sleeping, too."
"I wasn't sleeping, Mike." Billy replied. "I was visualizing - there's a big difference."
"Yeah, sure there is." Mike said flashing a grin at Bill. "Remind me to use that excuse the next time were watching videos and I nod off, okay?"
"You got it." Bill replied as he put his hand on Mikes shoulder when they walked out of the room.
After practice was over and they were heading home for the day, Bill got up the nerve to ask Mike to join him for dinner. A couple of the guys standing around listened closely to find out if Mike would actually accept Bill's offer. Mike initially gave Billy what could best be described as a deer in headlights look and shook his head. Not wanting to admit that Bren was right (and most of the rest of the guys for that matter), Billy changed his offer.
"Why don't I just grab some take out and a couple of videos and come over?" Billy asked, a hopeful grin lighting his face.
"I, uh, well, I hope you like dogs." Mike replied softly.
Bill rung Mike's doorbell a little after 7:00 PM. His heart lurched into his throat when Mike answered the door wearing nothing but a pair of faded jeans and rubbing a towel over his blonde-streaked hair. Mike silently motioned for Billy to enter and then led him through the labyrinthine hallways to his movie room.
"Make yourself at home - I'll be back in a minute." Mike said before retreating from the room.
Billy settled into one of the overstuffed black leather seats and got comfortable while he waited for Mike to return. When Mike came back into the room, he handed Billy a beer that hed grabbed out of the fridge. They started watching one of the movies that Bill had brought with him but neither of them could begin to describe what it was about. Mike was replaying a phone call hed gotten earlier in his mind. It had been Brett.
"Hello," Mike said as he picked up the phone.
"Well, hello there. It's so nice to see that youre not screening your calls today." Brett said sarcastically. "So, are you ready for your first trip to Detroit this season? Ill make sure your room is ready."
"You don't have to go to any trouble, Brett." Mike replied softly. "I'm probably just going to stay at the hotel with the team anyway."
"Michael, are you defying me? Are you telling me that you don't want to see me?" Brett asked, ire rising with the volume of his voice.
"No, I just think it would be better if I was at the hotel with the team." Mike replied quietly.
"Who asked you to think about anything? Remember, youre supposed to be the beautiful one not the smart one." Brett said. "I'll meet you at the hotel after the game and well discuss this then."
Billy's laughter caught his attention and he looked at the screen and then the other man in the room. Mike noticed how - even in the dim light of the room Billy's eyes danced when he laughed. He was so easy to be around. So easy in fact, it made Mike want to forget he'd promised to be with Brett no matter what and see if he could have a relationship with Billy. Sad thing was, Mike knew everything that the guys must've said to Bill to warn him to stay away. For the most part, they were true. He didn't feel like he deserved to be happy with someone. He never could make Brett 100% happy, so how could he be happy or make someone else happy? He'd gotten to the point that he was so accustomed to being treated like shit that he believed that he deserved it.
"Should I go?" Billy asked as the movie ended. "You seem kinda distracted."
"Sorry, I, um, got a call a little while before you got here and I've been thinking about it." Mike replied. "I shouldve let the machine get it."
"It was Brett, wasn't it?" Billy asked immediately wanting to put the words back in his mouth as soon as they'd passed through his lips.
"Billy, don't say anything to the other guys but Brett is expecting me to stay with him after the game in Detroit next week." Mike admitted sadly.
"Are you actually going to stay with him?" Bill asked terrified at the thought.
"I don't want to - it'll will be the same or worse than it always is." Mike whispered. "I thought I was finished with putting up with him. I guess I was wrong."
"It doesn't have to be like this, Mike. You can walk away he doesn't own you." Billy said trying to be supportive while hid did his best to hide the anger growing inside of him.
"I wish I was that confident, Billy." Mike replied. "But after all the times Ive tried to leave him or move on, I dont know that I have it in me anymore. The funny thing is Brett swears he loves me. I want to believe him, I really do."
Mike's voice left him as tears rolled down his face. Billy sat frozen for a few moments before he went over and put his arm around Mike. Mike tried to pull away when Billy's fingertips slid over a scar on the back of his neck. When Billy wouldn't let him go, Mike turned to him and buried his face against the other man's shoulder. It seemed to last forever the amount of time Billy sat there holding Mike while he cried. When he was finished crying, Mike sat there looking at his teammate. Billy softly wiped the tears away from Mikes face and leaned forward and pressed his lips to Mike's cheek.
"It's getting late." Mike finally whispered. "Tip expects us at practice by in the morning. I guess I'll see you there."
"Oh, yeah, youll see me there." Billy said with a smile. "Are you sure youre going to be alright?"
"Yeah, I'm sorry you had to see me like this. I don't like to lose control of myself like this." Mike said as he got up from his seat and started walking down the hall. "It's taken me this long to get this close to being back in charge of my life and then I almost throw it away."
"Don't worry about Detroit or Brett for that matter. I won't let him hurt you again." Billy promised as they walked to the front door.
Mike collapsed to the floor behind his front door after watching Billy's car pull out of his driveway. He wanted to believe that Billy would help him get out of the vicious cycle that his life with Brett still seemed to be. He allowed himself a tiny smile as he walked upstairs with his dogs to go to bed.
Billy drove like a madman when he left Mike's house somehow he ended up at Brenden's place. He pounded on the door.
"I'm not dead. Geez, did you have to try to knock the fuckin' thing of its hinges?" Bren asked as he opened the door. "Billy, what are you doing here?"
"Can I talk to you for a while?" Bill asked as he waited for Brenden to move out of the doorway.
"Yeah, sure, come on in. Let me guess this is about Mike, right?" Bren asked as he motioned for Bill to sit on the couch.
"I need to know what exactly Brett put him through I want to know what I'm going to be trying to keep him from enduring when were in Detroit next week." Billy admitted quietly. "C'mon, Bren, you have to know some of the details."
"I know a little, but you'd be better off talking to guys like Darryl or Derian you know, ones who've seen it all." Brenden replied as he sat down across from Bill.
"Just tell me what you know for now." Billy commanded quietly. "I'll investigate further tomorrow."
"Alright well, Brett can be a sick bastard when he wants to be." Brenden began. "One night after a game he was so pissed that we lost - he said it was because Mike refused to pass to him in the closing seconds - that he attacked Mike while he was in the showers. When Brett went into the showers hollering at Mike most of us just waited outside. I didn't know how bad it was."
"What did he do?" Billy asked. "What did Brett do to him?"
"He raped him right there in front of all of us." Bren whispered. "It still haunts me - Mike just took it. He didn't even try to fight for himself or anything. He just bowed his head and let Brett violate him like that. From what I heard from some of the other guys, Brett let him off easy that night although I can't imagine being raped by your lover as an easy thing to take."
Billy barely made it down the hall to the bathroom as the bile rose in his throat. The thought of Brett raping Mike in front of everyone made him so sick to his stomach he wanted to beat the living hell out of Brett. When Billy exited the bathroom, he was kind of shocked to see Derian sitting on Brenden's couch.
"So, you want to rescue Mike?" Derian asked quietly. "It's a noble enough idea but don't you know that to rescue someone, they have to want to be rescued?"
"Yeah, Hatch, I'm well aware of that." Billy replied as he sat down. "Mike doesn't want to be Brett's toy anymore - believe me."
"Alright, I'll take your word for it, but I still think you should tread lightly when it comes to him." Derian warned. "Mike's conditioned himself through all of this to be pretty withdrawn and he's a shy one to start with."
"Derian, I understand how Mike is." Billy replied. "I just want to prove to him that he does deserve to be happy. Is that so wrong?"
"Not at all - I just hope that you both can get there." Derian answered. "So, how much did Bren tell you about what Brett put Mike through?"
"I only told him about the time Brett raped him in front of the whole team." Brenden replied. "I figured you could fill in the blanks better than I could."
"Fine, but I don't want you to let on to Mike that you know any of this and if he ever opens up to you about this, I want you to be supportive without acting as if you already knew about it." Derian stated his conditions. "I've known Mike for a long time and I hate knowing what he's been through and not being allowed to help him because he wouldn't let anyone in."
Billy, Brenden and Derian sat for several hours going over the details of Mike's relationship with Brett. From the three years they'd spent together while Brett was a Star to how Mike would still go running if Brett snapped his fingers.
"Everyone who doesn't really know him looks at Mike and thinks 'God, I wish I was that perfect - that my life was that ideal'. They are the ones without a clue." Derian whispered. "Mike's stronger than a lot of people have ever given him credit for - I don't know too many people who could go through that shit and still be able to go on with their lives."
Mike sat up in bed screaming from yet another nightmare. It had felt so damn real. He sat up against the upholstered headboard of his bed and hung his head as tears began to roll down his face again. His loneliness surrounded him again as he swore he could feel the pain and humiliation that Brett used to heap upon him.
Mike had made his way to the shower after the game. Being knocked out of the hunt for the Stanley Cup was killing him, but he wasnt going to let anyone else know about it. He'd just got the water to a comfortable temperature when he heard a loud commotion outside the shower.
"Well, how did I know I'd find you here?" Brett asked sarcastically as he pushed Mike forward against the cold tile wall of the shower. "You cost us the game, Michael. You knew I was fucking open and you knew that you should pass the puck to me."
"Brett, I'm sorry, I didn't see you." Mike whispered. "I didn't realize..." His voice trailed off as Brett knocked him to the floor of the shower.
Mike glanced around and saw some of his teammates staring on in disbelief. He hung his head and stared at the floor when he felt Brett pressed a soap-covered finger into his anus. He could feel his body tense his vocal chords seemed to be paralyzed. He bit his lip to keep himself from crying out as Brett slammed into him.
"Finish your shower." Brett ordered when he was finished. "We'll finish this when we get home."
Mike sat there in his darkened bedroom for a while. Part of him wanted to just stay locked inside his house never go outside again never open himself up to anyone never trust anyone else to love and care for him. But then he thought about Billy. He didn't understand how even after he was warned, that Billy still wanted to get inside. That he seemed to want to understand and to care; and possibly more importantly, how much he wanted to let Billy in. He looked over at the phone on the nightstand. For a moment or two he thought about not dialing the number, but he finally let himself.
"Hello," Billy's sleepy voice met Mike's ear.
"Sorry, Billy, I didn't mean to wake you." Mike replied quietly. "I guess I'll let you go back to sleep."
"Nah, I'm awake now." Billy replied. "Mike, is everything alright?"
"Yes - um, no - not at all." Mike finally answered. "I had a nightmare - nothing unusual, but I guess I wished you were still here."
"I can be there in ten minutes." Billy replied as he got out of bed.
"Thanks." Mike replied before hanging up the phone.
Billy woke early the next morning with bright sunlight hitting him in the face. He looked around the room and realized with a slight shock that he wasn't in the apartment the team had provided him until he could find a place of his own. When he just started to question where he was, Mike walked back in from the balcony off the bedroom.
"Morning, how did you sleep?" Mike asked as he walked through the golden drapes.
"Good; what about you?" Billy asked as he sat up.
"Better than I have in ages." Mike admitted with a shy grin. "Thanks for not expecting well, you know."
"Don't mention it - I would never hurt you." Billy admitted as he walked over to where Mike was standing.
"Brett promised me the same thing. I guess I've gotten so used to all the broken promises that I have a hard time trusting people." Mike replied. "Somehow, I feel like I can trust you, though."
There were several questioning stares and hushed whispers when Mike and Billy walked into the AAC for the morning skate. Derian offered a small smile to Billy when they passed each other. However, the reception wasnt always so positive.
"Billy, can I talk to you for a minute?" Darryl asked as he and Billy walked toward the ice.
"Yeah, what's up?" Billy asked as he leaned against the concrete wall of the hallway.
"Tread really carefully around Mike - Hully wont take too highly to you moving in on his turf." Darryl warned.
"Wait a fucking minute. How in the hell can you tell me to watch out about Brett when none of you tried to help him get out?" Billy lashed out. "Why did everyone just stand back and watch when Brett raped him in your own Goddamn locker room?"
"Alright, I'm gonna let that slide since you weren't here and you have no way of knowing what all had happened." Darryl began to explain. "A group of us tried to get him away once before me, Derian, Eddie and Sevvy tried to get him out one night. Brett had been sleeping; at least we thought he was sleeping. We got as far as the bend in the driveway before Brett caught up to us."
"So, if there were four of you not counting Mike why couldn't you get him out of there?" Billy asked quietly.
"Because Brett shot Derian and before we could make it to the truck with both Mike and Derian, Brett drug Mike back to the house with the gun at his throat." Darryl replied sadly. "Billy, if we could've done something more, we would've. Brett made it obvious that he didn't give a shit about whether he killed us or not and he would do anything to keep Mike."
When Darryl walked away, Billy sank to the floor. As the facts of how desperate Mikes situation with Brett had to be continued to filter in, the picture became more and more clear. The only thing that didn't make sense to him was why Mike would stay and put up with the abuse. Wiping tears of anger from his face, Billy finally made his way to the ice to skate with the rest of the team.
The team skated to an easy victory over the Sabres that night. Mike scored two of the five goals and had the primary assist on two more including the one that Billy put in. Billy was kind of surprised when Mike asked him to go to dinner with him after the game. Trying not to seem too eager, Billy agreed as long as they went somewhere relaxed.
When Mike and Billy arrived at Mikes house after dinner, there were a few awkward moments at the door. It was all Billy could do to keep his emotions in check. He wanted to kiss Mike - nothing more than a simple good night kiss - but he was afraid of seeming too forward and scaring Mike off.
"So, um, do you want to stay again tonight?" Mike asked softly as he opened the door. "It would make me feel a little..."
"Safer?" Billy interjected as he followed Mike in.
"Well, that too." Mike replied with a slight smile. "Um, but I was thinking about something more like this."
Mike then took Billy's face in his hands trailing his thumbs over Billys lips before kissing him. The kiss started off gentle and tentative, but by the time it was over Billy was certain his lips and tongue were on fire. Mike relaxed in Billy's arms for a few moments breathing in the scent of his cologne, feeling their hearts pounding against each other, and enjoying the feeling of wanting someone who wanted him without forcing him to be with them.
After walking up to Mikes bedroom, they sat down on the end of the bed next to each other. Suddenly aware of what he wanted to happen, Mike nervously looked around the room. Oh, how he wanted Billy if he could only convince his mind that he deserved to be happy and that he wasn't cheating on Brett.
"Mike, we don't have to. If you're not ready, we can wait." Billy offered as he ran his fingers through Mike's hair.
"You don't understand, Billy. I want this. I want you more than anyone or anything." Mike whispered quietly. "But I have this nagging feeling that - forget it. He's done nothing but hurt me. If making me happy hurts him for a change, then he damn well deserves it."
"Are you sure?" Billy asked, startled by the change in Mike's attitude.
"I've never been more certain in my life." Mike replied as he leaned in to kiss Billy again.
Billy moved slowly in response to how tentative and almost innocent Mike's movements were as they worked each others clothing off. Mike allowed his hands to trail over Billy's chest and back when Billy moved them closer to the headboard of the bed. Billy then slowly kissed and licked his way down Mike's neck, over his chest, and down his stomach. Mike was looking up at him with his eyes wide open in wonder - it almost made Billy wonder if Mike had ever had anyone care enough about his needs and desires to go down on him.
A low guttural almost growling sound escaped Mike's lips as Billy's mouth surrounded the tip of his manhood. Billy looked up at Mike's body as he writhed beneath him on the bed. He smiled as he saw the sheen of sweat covering Mikes stomach and chest and the almost rapture-filled expression on his face as he continued to slide his mouth up and down. Once Mike's breathing had calmed down, Billy moved back to lie beside him. Mike looked Billy up and down his dark eyes resting on the other mans hardened member. He then closed his eyes and turned his head away as he started to roll over almost as if it were a conditioned response.
"Mike, it doesn't have to be like that." Billy whispered soothingly. "Come here and let me show you. Let me love you."
Billy then moved between Mike's legs and kissed him. Mike could taste the combination of flavors of Billy's mouth and his own taste still on Billy's lips and tongue. Billy slowly worked Mike into position before he slowly penetrated him.
"Easy, baby, just take it easy." Billy whispered in Mike's ear as he slid deeper inside of him.
Mike fell asleep wrapped tightly in Billy's arms when it was over. Billy propped himself up on an elbow and stared at Mike for the longest time before the need for sleep overtook him as well.
When they arrived at the airport the next morning for the road trip that would culminate in Detroit, Mike gave little thought to their destination. At least for now all was right in his world - even if he and Billy were a little late getting to the airport because they had to go by the apartment and get Billy's stuff for the trip. Even if Tip fined them, he could care less. He sat there reading the sports page out of the morning paper oblivious to everyone around him and their running commentary on the mark on the left side of his neck.
"Well, it's pretty obvious that they at least did some serious making out." Marty offered with a wink. "Somehow, my money's gonna lean more towards Kirk and Claude being roomies now."
After they'd boarded the plane, Mike fell asleep again. They were well on their way to Denver when Mike woke up screaming. Most of the guys didn't give it a second thought - they knew all about the nightmares Mike had. What they didn't know was that this dream wasnt about Brett. Sure Brett was the most recent, but he wasn't the only person that Mike had been abused by.
When they finally got to Denver and checked into their hotel, Billy asked Mike to tell him about the nightmare hed had during the flight.
"There's not much to tell." Mike offered quietly. "It was just a nightmare I have them all the time."
"Yeah, but this one wasn't about Brett." Billy said staring into Mike's eyes as if he was reading what was etched upon his soul.
"You're right, it wasn't about Brett." Mike said. "But I just can't talk about it right now. I'm not ready for that kind of catharsis yet."
"Alright, I'll be here when you are ready." Billy said as he kissed Mike's cheek softly.
Flashback 1988 Prince Albert Raiders Locker Room
Mike walked in to turn in his gear and thank his coach and teammates for all their help during his time spent in Prince Albert before he entered the NHL draft. After an exchange of goodbyes and well wishes with most of the team and their coach, Mike got ready to leave when he was stopped by two of the older members of the team.
"Well, if it isn't Mikey? Or is it just Mike now?" A gruff voice said before everything seemed to go black.
The locker room was pitch dark when Mike came to. He didn't really know too much of what happened. All he could tell was that he was in a lot of pain. He'd just started to pull himself off of the cold tile floor of the locker room when the lights were flipped on. When he looked up, he realized what torture hed already been put through was no where near as bad as what he was about to endure.
He snuck into the house where hed been living since leaving his Michigan hometown sometime after his curfew. The lady that had become somewhat of a surrogate mother for him was waiting up in the living room. Fearful of what would be said and thought of him, Mike didn't admit to what really happened. He told her that hed been roughed up on his way home because hed taken a short cut that was usually safe during the daytime.
Checking into the Hilton two blocks away from Joe Louis Arena was closer to Brett than Mike wanted to be. They had to be at the arena for the team skate in a little over an hour. When they got to the arena and changed into their gear for the morning skate, Mike was the first one to the ice. The rest of the team followed shortly thereafter.
"I said take your hands off of me." Mike stated clearly and loudly as he shoved Brett away from him.
"Who is it, Mike?" Brett seethed as he rubbed his thumb over the fading mark on Mike's neck. "Who are you fucking?"
"I don't have to tell you anything." Mike replied as he started to skate away from Brett.
Brett punched Mike hard in the jaw the blow sent him sprawling to the ice. When Mike looked up, Brett smirked at the trail of blood running from the corner of Mike's mouth.
"So, Michael, are you going to tell me who's been fucking you?" Brett asked as he bent down over Mike's prone form.
"It's none of your business - I'm going to be happy for a change." Mike spat out angrily as he shoved Brett away from him.
"Brett, why don't you go?" Derian asked as he skated over to the other men on the ice. "It's obvious that Mike doesnt want you around."
"I thought a bullet through your shoulder would make you realize that youre not man enough to stop me." Brett said as he lunged at Derian. "Are you trying to tell me that youre fucking him?"
"No, Brett, I'm not but I'm not going to tell you who it is either." Derian replied as he forced Brett from the ice.
After Brett was gone from the ice, Billy cautiously skated over to Mike.
"Don't worry about this - it's nothing." Mike said with a grin. "Besides, he only hit me because..."
"Because of me," Billy said sadly.
"No, actually, he hit me because I wouldn't tell him about you." Mike replied as he wiped the corner of his mouth. "He can just deal with it."
After the morning skate was over, most of the guys went back to the hotel to take a nap before they had to return for the game. Mike and Billy were no exception. Once they were sequestered in their room, Mike got comfortable and slipped into bed while Billy watched TV. Billy couldn't pay attention to the show that was rattling away on the television his attention was completely wrapped up in the soft expression on Mike's sleeping face. He turned the TV off and moved over to the bed and slipped in beside Mike. He laid there silently for the longest time almost too afraid of waking Mike to move or hardly breathe. He wondered how anyone could claim to love Mike would hurt him the way Brett did.
"Billy, what are you doing?" Mike asked as he sleepily opened his eyes.
"Watching you sleep - sorry, I just feel like I need to look after you." Billy replied with a slightly embarrassed grin.
"It's okay, I don't mind." Mike said as he looked into Billys eyes.
Billy then slid down on the bed so that he was lying next to Mike. He couldn't help but smile when Mike went back to sleep he'd closed the distance between their bodies by laying his head over on Billys chest. It wasn't long before they both fell asleep cursing the wake up call when it came a couple of hours later.
The post-game interviews were over and the game had ended in a 3-3 tie. Well, the only way the road trip couldve ended better was if theyd won this game like they had the previous two. Mike dodged the questions about the alleged altercation hed had earlier in the day with Brett. It was far easier to ignore the questions than to try to explain the entire situation to the press.
Many of the Stars went to dinner as a group Billy and Mike included. However, they declined the offer to go bar-hopping with some of the others and headed back to the hotel to just escape the world for a while. They were walking through the lobby of the hotel when Brett approached them.
"Of all the guys I could picture you cheating on me with, you had to choose him?" Brett said in a rather condescending tone. "I think I liked it better when I thought you were whoring around with Hatcher. I mean at least he was willing to take a bullet for you."
"Brett, just drop it." Mike said as he tried to lead Billy away from his ex.
"Oh, I get it; you just went and found someone you could lead around on a short leash." Brett taunted.
Billy didn't realize what he'd done it was as if he wasn't even in his own skin until he saw Brett holding his eye as he lay on the floor. Mike and Billy finally headed up to their room after Brett had been escorted out of the hotel. In the relative safety of their room, Mike still was worried about what Brett was going to do before they left to go back to Dallas.
"Mike, come on to bed. Brett can't get to you now." Billy pleaded as he turned back the covers.
"I guess you're right." Mike replied softly.
The nagging feeling he had that Billy might be wrong kept him awake and staring at the ceiling.
"Want to talk about it?" Billy asked quietly in the dark.
"Not really." Mike replied as he stretched and tried to go to sleep.
Mike allowed himself to fall asleep in Billy's arms. The next morning, Mike woke to the sound of the shower running. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary until he tried to get out of bed and couldn't move.
"Hmmm, looks like you're pretty much stuck with whatever I want to do to you." Brett said with a smirk as he rubbed his hands over Mike's bare ass. "Don't worry about your boyfriend, Michael; he's only taking a shower."
Mike tried pulling against his restraints even harder but all he succeeded in doing was tightening them. Brett then slapped Mike hard across the face forcing his mouth open to accept the gag that was then tied around the back of his head.
"You know, there are several guys in the league that would love to get their hands on you like this." Brett said as he looked over Mike's nakedness. "What would you say if I said I was going to let a couple of them get their wish?"
Mike shook his head no as his pleading was drowned behind the gag in his mouth. His throat went completely dry as he felt a large pair of hands much larger than Brett's gripping his hips tightly.
When Billy came to, he found himself sitting in the shower. He was uncertain of how he got there or how long he'd been there. When he turned the water off, he could hear something coming from the other room. It was a soft whimpering or crying sound. Without taking time to dry himself off, Billy went back into the sleeping area of their room. He could swear that he heard his own heart shattering when he saw Mike.
"Mike, oh God, what happened?" Billy asked softly as he approached the corner of the room where Mike was curled up.
"Don't touch me." Mike pleaded softly.
"We need to get you to a doctor." Billy said as he moved closer to Mike.
"No, at least not until we get home." Mike whispered as tears streamed down his bruised face. "I just want to go home."
"Well, do you think you can get a shower taken by yourself?" Billy asked softly as he finally got close enough to put his hand on Mike's knee. "We don't have a lot of time before we're supposed to be on the bus to the airport."
Mike clutched the comforter that he' wrapped around his body as he walked unsteadily to the bathroom. Once Mike was in the shower, Billy did the first thing that came to mind - he called Derian.
"Hatch, I need your help." Billy whispered. "We've got to get Mike out of here without too many people seeing him."
"What fuck are you talking about?" Derian said. "Alright, Billy, let me finish getting dressed and Ill come to your room."
Billy was helping Mike get his shirt on when Derian got to the room. Mike gave Billy a terrified look upon hearing the knock on the door.
"It's okay, I called Hatch." Billy whispered.
Billy let Derian and Tip into the room. The coach surveyed the scene before him in a lot of ways he was like Billy when it came to knowing about what Mike had been through. All Dave had a real knowledge of was how good Mike was on the ice he'd never bothered to learn what a mess his personal life obviously was.
"Bill, what happened in here?" Dave asked as he looked around the room. "And please tell me that you didn't do this."
"No, he didn't." Derian whispered sadly as he took a look at the bruises on Mikes ribs and back. "This has Brett written all over it."
They finally got Mike dressed and onto the bus without raising too much suspicion. Mike was doing his best to just ignore everyone and everything around him. He felt as if the progress he'd been making in getting away from Brett had just been ripped away from him. He glanced at briefly at Billy noticing how his usually bright blue eyes were clouded over.
Mike sat out the next game. The official reason was listed as an upper body injury. The true reason was that he was so sore and battered from what Brett had put him through in Detroit that he could barely stand to bend over to lace his skates. He was sitting by himself on the bench watching the other guys practice when Dave sat down next to him.
"So, when can I get you back in the lineup?" The coach asked as he sat down. "Or do you want to sit out Thursday when Detroit is here?"
"No, I want to play." Mike replied quietly. "If it was up to me, I'd be out there right now."
"Yeah, and you can hardly move." Dave replied.
"But at least I'd be in control of what I'm doing." Mike whispered sadly. "I want to be the one in control for a change. I want to be the one making the decisions."
After practice was over, Billy and Mike made the silent drive to Mike's house. Billy felt like he wasnt even as close to Mike as he had been. He knew that Mike was shutting him out because of what happened.
"What happened in the room, Mike and don't tell me youre not ready to talk about it." Billy said as he made Mike sit down next to him on the couch.
"Brett wasn't alone." Mike whispered. "He had two other guys with him they didnt talk. Brett did all the talking; it was the other two that, that..."
His voice trailed off as he rested his head on Billy's shoulder.
"Did he say why?" Billy asked, as he softly rubbed Mike's shoulders.
"He said that there were several guys in the league that would love to get their hands on me and that he had a couple of them with him." Mike sobbed. "He told me that I shouldn't worry about you because you were in the shower."
Mike sat in front of his locker getting all his gear on including the extra padding that the Stars equipment guy fixed for his ribs and back. Billy sat in front of his own locker watching as Mike went through his meticulous ritual of dressing for the game. Ever since he was playing hockey as a kid, Mike put his gear on the same way every time. He always took his street clothes off and hung them up so that they'd be ready when the game was over and then he'd start getting dressed for the game.
Prince Albert Raiders Locker Room (Mike's first day there)
"Hey, Modano, are you a fuckin' hockey player or a beauty queen?" A rough voice called to the new guy in the locker room.
"Vic, I bet his mommy still writes his name inside the tag on his Jockey shorts so they make it home from summer camp." Another voice teased.
Mike shook his head quietly as he changed out of his jeans and sweater and into his practice gear. The guys hadn't taken a real liking to him but he wasn;t necessarily here to be liked, was he? Well, it would make being so far away from home easier to handle. He'd adjusted somewhat to being the only kid in the house. It took a day or two to realize he didn't have to wait for his sisters to finish with their hair and makeup before he had his turn to get ready for school, a date, or anything else.
When the day was over, Mike thought practice went as well as he could expect it to be. He survived with all his teeth still firmly in his head. He walked back into the locker room and went to his locker to get ready to get a shower before heading home to do his homework. On the bench in front of his locker was a bar of soap with a note taped to it. Don't drop me, the note read. It was a thinly veiled threat that Mike kept to himself. He expected to be initiated by the guys in some way or another he wasn't expecting them to threaten to rape him.
Cautiously, Mike tied a towel around his waist when he went in to take his shower. He didn't look at anyone as he made his way to the first empty shower. He'd just started to soap up when he sensed that he wasn't alone.
"Don't turn around and I won't hurt you too much." A gruff whisper rubbed against his left ear. "I'll make this easy as easy on you as you make it on yourself."
"Wha-what do you want?" Mike whispered nervously.
"Bend over and hand me your soap," was the instructions. "Good boy, no matter what I do to you don't you dare scream."
Mike nodded his head nervously as he braced his hands against the wall in front of him. Suddenly, the room that was silent except for the sound of the showers erupted with laughter and whistles. He kept his eyes focused on the floor and did his best to shut the noise out of his mind as he felt the soap being roughly dragged up and down between the cleft in his ass.
Mike took his place in the rotation firing warm up shots at the goal just like he did for any other game. He seemed to be on autopilot instead of actually on the ice and ready to play. He kept stealing glances at the Detroit bench desperately searching for something that would tell him who with Brett that night. Sensing his distress, Billy skated over to him.
"Hey, earth to Mike." Billy said as he waved his hand in front of Mike's face. "Man, you don't look so good are you sure youre ready to be out here?"
"Yeah, if I don't play he wins." Mike whispered sadly. "Even if I don't get over 10 minutes of ice time, I have to play."
When Mike skated back over to the bench, Billy was in awe of his resolve. The game started a short time later and Mike seemed to have everything under control. He won several of the face-offs he'd taken and was doing rather well when Brett gave him a questionable check in the corner.
Billy and Aaron had both skated over to Mike. He surprised everyone when he came up from the ice swinging his fists wildly at Brett. The refs didn't do anything about the fight until Mike lunged forward and took Brett to the ice.
"I fucking hate you!" Mike screamed. "I hate you for everything, Brett. You used me you used my own nightmares against me. I hate you!"
Mike sat in front of his locker rocking back and forth silently. He hadnt spoken to anyone since hed attacked Brett on the ice. Hed withdrawn completely into himself and was barely cognizant of the fact that there were people in the room around him. Several members of the press tried to get a comment from him regarding the fight, but he continued to stare off into space as if they werent even there. When the locker room was empty except for him and Mike, Billy went over to him to help get him ready to go home.
Cmon, baby, we need to get you out of your gear and into the shower. Billy whispered as he pulled Mikes gloves off and then started to untie his skates. You know, you really got in a few good licks on Brett. I think he was thoroughly stunned to see you fight back.
Mike made no response other than to move when Billy told him to. Billy finally got him into the shower and then started to wash him. When Billy tried to rub the soap below Mikes waist, Mike shocked him by shoving him roughly into the tiled wall.
I can do it myself. Mike whispered as he took the soap away.
Welcome back. Billy said, somewhat stunned. I was only trying to help you.
I know. Mike sobbed as he leaned his head against Billys shoulder. I didnt mean to snap at you. I dont know whats going on with me right now.
Mike, its been a really rough couple of weeks. Billy said as he rubbed Mikes shoulders. Do you want to stay by yourself again tonight?
No, I want you with me. Mike said, making a feeble attempt at a smile. Is it bad that I wanted to hurt Brett really seriously hurt him tonight?
No, baby, it makes you human. Billy said. It makes you no different than me or Hatch or any of the other guys that were cheering for you to hurt him. After all the pain hes put you through, he deserves to get a little of his own.
When they walked back into the locker area from the showers, Mike stared in disbelief at the way his gear was strewn about the floor in front of his locker.
Sorry, I didnt take time to put everything away. Billy said with a smile. I just needed to get you out of your gear and get you showered so we could go home.
Alright, Mike whispered.
Mike rested his head against the window while Billy drove them home. His life only seemed complicated before. Brett now seemed so easy to figure out he was only using the knowledge he had of Mikes past to control him. He looked over at Billy and smiled as he watched him singing along with the radio. When they got into the house, Mike led Billy into the kitchen so they could sit down and talk.
Billy, I think its time I trusted you with everything. Mike whispered as they sat across from each other. You need to know what Bretts been holding over me for all this time.
Okay, just tell me what you want me to know if you dont want to talk about anything, you can leave it out. Billy said softly as he took Mikes hand.
He knew some of the guys that I played with in Prince Albert. Mike said softly. They told him all about what they used to do to me. When he told me that he knew about it and that he would tell everyone what kind of a slut I was, I caved into what he wanted from me.
Mike you were just a kid how could you have been accountable for what you did then? Billy asked, trying to figure out where the conversation was heading.
In the first three weeks that I was there, Id been with over half the team at least once. Mike replied.
You fucked over half the team? Billy asked in astonishment.
Not exactly at least not because I wanted to I was with them because they gave me two choices; either I put out or theyd put me out. Mike replied sadly. The first day I was there for practice, one of them left a bar of soap in front of my locker with a note on it that said dont drop me. It was pretty obvious what they were talking about.
Wasnt there anyone you could tell about this? Billy asked as he sat there.
And what could they do I mean it wouldve been my word against theirs and you know that the entire group of them would only say that they were just trying to rattle my cage a little. Mike replied.
So, it started the first day you were there? Billy asked, anxiously.
Yeah, I was in the shower and one of the older guys came in and took the soap away from me and then he scrubbed my ass and made me bend over while he spread me open for all the guys around to see. Mikes voice trailed off as he covered his face with his hands.
Billy sat there with his mouth gaping open as he listened to Mikes confession. Hed heard rumors about some of the hazing that some of the guys got when they went to play junior hockey, but what Mike was telling him about was even worse than hed ever thought possible. He was so wrapped up in his thoughts that he almost missed it when Mike started talking again.
Billy, Ill understand if you dont want to be around me anymore. Mike whispered. I know Im damaged and dirty. I dont deserve to be cared for because I dont know how to earn it or make myself worthy of it.
Mike, how can you say things like that? My God, youre so Billy was so shocked at what Mike had just said that he couldnt form words in his mind so that they could be spoken.
Broken, Mike completed the sentence with how he felt. Im broken and hollow and I dont know if theres anyway to make me whole again.
Will you let me at least try? Billy asked as he took Mikes hand in his. All Im asking for is a chance.
Alright, but dont be mad if I want to go really slow. Mike said quietly. I want to be with you and I want to be able to love and trust you. Youre gonna have to take your time with me.
Mike, as far as youre concerned, I have nothing but time. Billy said as he leaned across the table and pressed his lips to Mikes forehead.
It had been over a week since Mike had begun to confess everything to Billy. Mike woke early on a Sunday morning to the sound of pouring rain normally, hed roll over and go back to sleep on a rainy morning, but today was different. He looked over at the man whose arm was leisurely stretched across his waist and couldnt help but smile. Billy was soundly sleeping after sitting up most every night that week while Mike cried and told him all the sordid details of his younger years.
I told you everything. Mike whispered as he pressed his lips to Billys cheek. You didnt run away from me. Thank you.
Billy woke a short time later to the sound of gleeful laughter it was the laughter that usually was only heard when a child was getting away with being naughty. He dragged himself out of bed and walked over to the balcony. He couldnt believe the sight before him Mike was standing on the balcony with his arms stretched out wide and his face turned up to the sky while the rain beat down on him. Billy stared at Mike for a few moments trying to figure out what was going on inside of him.
Good morning. Mikes voice rang out as he looked over to see Billy standing there. Come out here and join me.
I think Ill pass. Billy said. Rain just doesnt do anything for me.
Aw, cmon, this is beautiful. Mike practically giggled.
How long have you been out there? Billy said as he ventured closer to the glass doors that led to the balcony.
Um, I dont really know. Mike replied as he pushed his rain-soaked hair out of his face. Besides, I like it out here.
Finally acquiescing to Mikes insistence, Billy ventured out onto the balcony. He couldnt help himself as he allowed his hands to glide easily over Mikes rain-slicked skin. It was a delicious mixture of sensations warm skin and cool water; the slippery feel of the rain sliding over them and the rough texture of Mikes unshaven face. Pulling Billys face closer to his, Mike tentatively stroked his tongue across Billys waiting lips. When Billy sucked Mikes tongue into his mouth, his hands slid down to where the waistband of Mikes drenched pajamas clung dangerously low on his hips.
Lightening dashed across the sky and Mike shuddered in Billys arms as the thunder that followed crashed in the distance. Billy slowly worked his left hand between their bodies and helped peel the soaking wet cotton off of Mikes body. When Mike leaned back against the balcony rail, Billy couldnt help but get lost in the soft expression in his root beer-colored eyes; the longing pout playing across his bottom lip; the hungry eagerness of his stiffened cock.
I want you. Mike whispered his voice almost lost against the sound of another clap of thunder. I want to be inside of you. Will you let me do that, Billy?
You can have anything you want. Billy responded as he moved forward to slide into Mikes outstretched arms.
Billy anxiously stood grasping the slippery rail as Mike stood behind him. His mind raced as he felt Mikes hands and mouth exploring his body gently. Theyd been together before, but it felt so new. When he felt Mike slide a finger softly between his rear cheeks, he spread his legs a little further apart. Mike finally moved so that he was positioned at Billys opening. He could feel what seemed to be the fluttering of a million butterflies within him as he slowly slid in.
I wont break. Billy whispered as he felt the tentative strokes that Mike was sliding with.
Billy guided Mikes right hand down to grab his own cock. Mike slowly slid his hand up and down Billys length and gradually moved faster in response to the urgency that was building within his own loins. They came together both panting and breathless. Billy leaned his head back against Mikes shoulder and kissed him as the rain slowed to a light drizzle.
Lets go back to bed. Billy whispered as he led Mike back into the house.
Mike rested his head on Billys shoulder while they lay in bed again. Their fingers were intertwined and they were just about to drift back to sleep.
Thank you. Mike whispered softly as he looked up at Billy.
What are you thanking me for? Billy asked as he stared into Mikes eyes.
Playing in the rain with me; listening to me; taking care of me everything, I guess. Mike said as he snaked his arm around Billys waist. I guess you could say Ive never been on top before thank you for letting me do that.
Im certain that I enjoyed that just as much as you did. Billy replied with a wink before kissing Mike again.